So You're Ready To Hook

How this comes about depends on if you're looking for sex or a date. Here's my advice for both. Let's start with the fun stuff


Make Sure You Are Gonna Get What You Want

Incredibly Enough I have an ad that says "Looking to Get Rimmed...." That is the title. Would you believe I have actually ran this ad and have had people invite me over, only to tell me, they don't eat ass. And this happens repeatedly.

Make sure you spell out what you are willing to do, what you want to have done and if you are going to use condoms or toys. Sorry the only good way to do this is be direct. Suck it up and ask.

Get A Phone Number

If they won't give a phone number, don't go over to their house. Always ring them back to confirm. Granted these days people have cells, but it will weed out scammers.

No Chemistry?

If you don't like someone just say so. Say "Look I don't think this is gonna work." I have said it to people and I have had it said to me. Look, no one likes to hear they aren't attractive but it saves a lot of time.


I have never felt my safety has ever been really threatened. However there are precautions to take.

Get that phone number. Before you leave, write a note saying where you went with the address and phone number on it. If something, God awful, happens, someone can trace it. For instance I write "Went to have sex with Joe, 773-555-5555, at 111 North Marine Dr Apt 5A, on March 6, 2004, met on Gay.Com.

OK if nothing happens when I get back I rip the note up. If something does, well I may be dead, but at least the cops will know what happened.

Again I have never had a real problem (some comical ones mostly), but use common sense.

Finally --- DON'T Come To The Door Naked

Nobody wants to be greeted by a naked person, that they have never met. There is good naked and bad naked. This is bad naked.


Keep It BriefHere comes the hard part. Some people want to send endless emails or talk on the phone forever. This I ADVISE STRONGLY against. Save A LOT of grief for yourself.

I have done this and you tend to get attached to those people only to find, there was no chemistry.

As anyone who has ever met me knows, I never shut up. I actually like dating. Even a bad one.

So have a least one phone conversation, get to know the person and then set the date. Again don't let this drag on.

Where to Meet?Only one answer to this - A public place.

Meeting for drinks or coffee is the best. If you like each other you can easily extend the date.

If no chemistry, then so what, you only waste a half an hour of your life.

Don't meet as his place. While I have nothing against sex on the first date, if you are truly interested in dating, then the sex should occur AFTER the first date, not even before it began.

Sex or Dating ---Be Prepared For The Brush

The Chicken

A lot of people will chicken out. I have had this happen a lot. I think a lot of people like the idea of hooking up, but lack the guts to follow it through.

The Scammer (A.K.A The Liar)

This is the guy who has no intention of meeting. He will give you a fake address. Or he simply won't answer the door. What can you do? Most of the High Rises have the buzzers where it rings to your phone. SO they simply don't pick up the phone.

Mistake = Apologize

If there was an honest error you or the other person should apologize as soon as possible.

For example I was on the subway and it stopped for half an hour. I was supposed to go for coffee. I knew I'd miss him. So out of respect for him, as soon as I got off the train I called his house (see why you get a number) and explained what happened.

He wasn't home but I left a message. Then everyone knows you are on the up and up. Of course with cell phones now, this happens less and less

Cab Fare

Many people will tell me; especially for sex hooks, that they will split the cab fare.

Don't count on it. I've taken cabs to meet people, that gave me a fake address. Try getting that money back

What if they guy does't answer the door. If you can't afford to pay for the cab yourself. Don't go.