Q&A Meeting In Person
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OK I am ready to hook
Whether your meeting for sex or for a date you got to look on it as a potentially exciting time. Who knows what adventure lies ahead. OK you maybe stood up, but then again, you might find the love of your life. OK that won't happen but it could right?
How long should I talk to someone before we meet?
f it's for sex or dating, I recommend only one or two short conversations. If you keep talking via the phone what's more likely to happen is you'll get attached to these people, or build them into something they are not, inside your own mind.
Then if it doesn't work out, you'll be really disappointed. Do one or two brief phone conversations, than meet up.
What should I do before I hook?
First of all get a phone number. I can't be too insistent on this. Don't hook via, AIM or email or other instant messengers. Get some way to contact this guy.
Secondly, get cleaned up. Nothing is more irritating whether it for sex or a date as when you meet someone who couldn't bother to shave or take a shower or put on a clean shirt. You don't need a tux but look presentable.
Third, leave a note in your house. Though I never had any problems with safety, stuff does happen. Make sure that someone will know where you went if the worst happens. Even if it's just a note to yourself, make sure soeone will know where you went.
Where should we meet?
I have to say, if your meeting someone to hookup I don't have a problem with going to his house, or having him come over to your home. But for a date, you should try to keep it in a neutral place.
I would say go out for coffee or a drink, if you are going on a date.
I like coffee cause if it's going well you can simply extend the date by going out for, say dessert." And if it's going bad, it only 1/2 hour out of you life
What about a movie or dinner?
I advise against meeting for dinner as well as I'm against meeting to go to a movie, at least the first time. In a movie you can't talk and get to know each other and I have actually had people eat dinner, excuse themselves to go to the restaurant and not come back. Then I got stuck paying for the bill, in addition to the humiliation of being left behind
People actually left?
Yes and I have been stood up a lot I mean a lot.
What is a lot?
Well in 2004, I got to 85 before I stopped counting in September and in 2005 I got to 50 in July and stopped counting. So it happens a lot, at least to me.
You're saying at least 135 people pulled this on you?
Yes, or what appeared to be 135 people, remember it could be the same person making duplicate profiles on Manhunt or Gay.Com or any other site. I mean I did speak to them in but I reckon it's not that hard to change your voice and most people have more than one phone line.
Why are they doing this?
I am certain a large percentage of them just "chicken out." They may not be what they said they were, or simply just get scared.
Others are just people that scam you. They probably send you photos of other people, make a date for you in the coffee shop, and go and watch you, and laugh to themselves at what a fool you are.
Remember misery loves company.
Got it, but I'm just looking for a hookup not a date
Well the basic advice still goes; don't be surprised if you have to suffer thru a few no shows along the way
What are some "don't" for the hookups?
First of all don't take a cab. I have had far too many people try to meet for a hook up and tell me to "take a cab," that they would split the cost of the cab fare. Then they never give me a fake address or never answer the door. So unless you can afford to lose the cab fare, don't pay for it.
Second of all, make sure the address exists, I always Google it. At least I know that the address is actually a building. A favourite scam is to give you an apartment number. You get to the flat and it's a high rise with 100 flats in it. Then they don't answer the buzzer. Nothing you can do but go home at that point.
Third bring your own condoms. I can't emphasize this. A lot of people will try to talk you into barebacking. Have your supply of condoms with you before you go over.
Most importantly, NEVER come to the door naked. There is good naked and bad naked and that is bad naked. I realize you're going to hookup for sex, but this is not a good idea. Have a shirt, and pants on when you answer the door.
What if there is no chemistry?
This happens and be upfront, but be nice, say something along the lines of "I just don't think this is going to work out." People have said it to me. It's no big deal. Don't feel bad if they came a good distance, if there's no chemistry there is none. Be it a date or a hookup.
What if they out and out lied about himself?
Just leave, as tempting as it is to tell them off don't do it. Just say, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work." Turn around and leave. If it's a date you may want to sit down and have coffee with them, maybe you'll like them anyway and that is why I like meeting for coffee, it's only 20 minutes to a half an hour of your life.
For sex, just leave. You're not only helping yourself but others as well. I have heard people say "They're not what they claim but a lot of times by the time the guy gets there, he's so wound up he'll have sex anyway.
But don't do it. Don't reward someone for being dishonest.
How do I know if it's a person playing games or if it is an error?
Simple a person, who is real, will make an attempt to fix it ASAP. For instance over 10 years ago I took the subway to meet someone. The subway just stopped for 45 minutes. Of course the guy waiting for me was long gone by the time I got there. So I called, he wasn't understanding about it, but anyway I felt better, I did what I
If they are sincere they will make an attempt to right it very quickly. Scammers wait to try to make a sucker out of you again.
We hooked up had great sex, but he never called again
Hookups are totally different from dates. Don't mistake the two. Often times people like to hookup with a lot of different guys.
Maybe he is normally a top, but that one night he felt like trying to be a bottom, and now went back to being a top.
He could've been cheating on his wife or boyfriend.
It doesn't mean you were bad in bed, or anything. Hookups are totally one time thing, and each hookup is an end of itself.
One thing I can guarantee you though, is if someone likes you they will MAKE the time to get back to you
What about dates?
A lot of times people won't tell you directly they don't want to see you and it's always awkward when you get to the end of the date and you're like "Will we see each other again?" And you want to hang on the hope or at the very least hear "Well I do hope that in the span of our lifetimes our paths do cross again." But some people can't be that direct
What are some indirect ways people tell you?
They rush at the end of the date, as in "Oh man I forgot I had an appointment, I got to go." And he takes off avoiding the issue all together
Well keep in touch...
We'll do lunch...
Give me a call when you're not busy...
I got a heavy workload you understand...
Are simply ways of saying don't expect a call
Speaking of meeting people, what if I see someone I spoke with online in the real world? Should I say "Hi"?
If you have emailed him and you were cordial, I'd say fine. But remember he may not recall you. I had one guy do this to me, and I didn't know him at first because, he kept his face pic locked. We had wanted to get together but because of work schedules, we never did. But because he locked his face pic, I had forgotten what he looked like. Oddly enough he came up to me and introduced himself, we spoke for a minute but never got back with me on the site. I guess he didn't like me in person.
But if you do acknowledge someone also use discretion. If they are with someone don't point out to the third person you saw him on a gay dating site.
Use common sense.
What if I've seen him online but never spoke with him online?
If you have never spoken with the guy, it's trickier. I would probably say no but I've had this happen to me, and I don't really mind. But I am certainly not the average person.
What about safety?
Whether it's your physical saftey or sexual saftey always remember to plan ahead. Most harm is done by people getting caught up or too busy to think about it.
Leave a note who you went with were you met him, have your own way of getting back home
Realize people lie about HIV and other STDs. Have your own condoms
And finally remember you're in charge don't do what you don't want to do
Men are like elevators, wait long enough and another one comes along